A man that cannot exist

I had yet another fight with Herb today. Trigered by yet another petty issued. This time, that he didn't 'tell me to go to bed'. It sounds ridiculous because it is.

In my mind, what happened was, i spent the whole evening telling him I'm going to bed early, I had my shower, and then I chatted with him on skype for about an hour, and then I gave him (what I think was) a humongous clue that I'm going to bed now. I basically said something along the lines of either "I'm going to bed" or "BEDTIME!!!!!". And then, in my mind, I expect him to give me good night kisses, good night cuddles, a pat on my bum and send me of to bed with a cheery bye. Instead what happened was that we continued chatting for another 15 minutes, and after 15 minutes of hints, I get tired of it, and I get annoyed that he hasn't sent me off to bed yet. And then I realised (from previous fights we had) that I was doing exactly what I was doing before, that I was expecting him to read my mind, which is ridiculous... so I get annoyed at myself. So I tell him I'm annoyed at myself, because I expected him to read my mind again, and I go off, upset.

I get more upset, and then I start worrying about hiding things from him, because that's what broke off my last relationship, and I realise I don't want to hide anything from him, so I call him, crying, and try to explain myself, and then we spend 2 hours bantering back and forth about how silly I am, about how I'm expecting really ridiculous things, and so on and so forth..

So the bottom line is, I'm really silly and getting upset at really silly things. The other bottom line is, I'm depending on Herb too much. I need to stop that dependence now before either of us gets hurt seriously. Each time we have a fight over this, we get one step closer to getting seriously hurt. We're nowhere close to 'the line', but any step in that direction is a bad step.

I seem to be looking for a relationship which cannot exist. Some stupidly romanticised version of this list of 'wants' from my man. A list of wants which cannot all exist together. Herb is the best man I can possibly find. He is my one and only. He has everything I need. I love him deeply and truly.

I know 89% of this is the stress talking, and 11% of is, is the very true fact that I depend on Herb too much and expect the impossible from. I seem able to forgive him all of his larger shortcomings, but yet I trip over all the very petty issues. I am too deeply submerged in this to psychoanalyse myself with any objectivity. But I do wonder... Are these just toddlery tantrums, or is there something deeper going on?