Girlyness

I grew up with boys. I have two sisters, but the age gap is too large for them to have any girly influence on me. Most of my playtime was spent with male cousins. I hated it when puberty hit my cousins and they started distancing themselves from me. I also hated it when puberty hit me and I had to start wearing camisoles, then bras.

I did not have many male friends in secondary school. No one ever showed any interested in me in a girl-boy way. I was a teacher's kid too, so I wasn't very popular. My one male friend once told me that most of the guys in school were afraid of me. I was too unapprochable. Too rigid.

Then college came, and I had an older friend tell me about my walls. That I had a lot of them and I should let some of them down. That's when I really begin to analyse myself. That's when I started falling for boys too. At 18! A bit late eh? Up till that point, I was never girly. My standard attire for college was t-shirt and jeans. And most of my t-shirts had mickey mouse and winnie the pooh on them.

I hated the first few times I 'had' to be girly. Being a bridesmaid when I was 11 - I hated it. Being bridesmaid for my sister again at 16 - didn't mind it, but needed people to pick my dress and shoes and make up as I had no idea how. After college, I enjoyed the few times I got to be girly. I liked dressing up for graduation prom. I enjoyed picking dresses for my second sister's wedding. But I was not girly everyday.

During university years, just before, and since meeting Herb, a lot of things has changed within me. I want to be more girly, I want to wear frilly dresses and put pretty things in my hair. I want to do things most girls want to do when they're 6.

I have plenty of dresses now. I've got one long black sparkly evening gown that I really really want to wear but never had the opportunity to. I've got quite a good set of makeup. I've got some (not enough!) things to put in my hair. I've got a couple of skirts.. but my problem is... I don't know how. I want to, but I don't know how.

Life as a postgrad is so crazy, and the weather so freaking cold, that wearing skirts to uni seem like a ridiculous idea. Herb's seen me tired, smelly and sunburnt after 3 weeks of camping, so putting make up on in front of him feels very pretentious somehow. The majority of my attire now, for postgrad uni life, is jeans and t-shirts again. My tops do have more girly cuts now, and no more mickey mice & pooh bears. But still no skirts, no nice shoes, no make up.

This post is a bit of a ramble... but I think what I want to ask is...

Is it normal for a girl to want to be more 'girly' in their early 20's?

and

I'm 23, and a little used to the way I do things. I want to be more girly, but I don't know how. Any advice?