Lessons

It's okay for things to be different from what I want/expect.
What I expect or want, and what I get will very often be two different things. Master decides what I need and what I get, and its OKAY. One example, my fantasies often revolve around being restrained and teased and denied. Sometimes they involve being forced to cum, but its more often the earlier fantasy. It hit me over the weekend that Master enjoys watching me cum, and he enjoys it alot. That's why he never teases me for very long. Before this, I sometimes felt dissatisfied after sex, because I didn't get what I want Even after I've cummed over a dozen times, I used to feel like something was missing, and I didn't enjoy my orgasms as much as I do now.

After realising that Master enjoys my orgasms, they're coming faster, easier, better and more intensely. I enjoy each and every time we have sex. I'm happy after every session. I realise that being forced to cum and not being allowed to cum are really the same things. They're both about giving up control to Master. (And they feel gooooooooooood =)) Its Master who gets to choose when I cum, not me. If he wants me to cum 30 times in one session, that's his perogrative, and its my job to enjoy them and to give them to him. Not to gripe about coming too much, or too little, or not being teased enough.

This realisation may seem like a small one to experience subs, but its really a big thing to me. It doesn't just apply to orgasms, it applies to everything. I'm much happier now because of it.

I love Herb and I can't bear to loose him.
There will always be things in this world I can't have. If I keep harping on them, I will always be unsatisfied, and I'll never be happy. Its much better to appreciate what I have and be happy because of it. To enjoy what we have, the time we had together, and look forward to the time that we will have in the future. I have Herb and I have his love. These two are the most important things to me and my little world and I'll always be happy to have them. I will always always always appreciate him. No matter what happens next, as long as I've got Herb's love, I'll be happy.